| i've taken a number -- is it my turn to scream? |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eisley -- room noises | ] |
i think i may have lost my voice. not from sickness, or screaming and yelling -- in fact, just the opposite. i believe that i've burried it deep inside of me somewhere, and i can't seem to find it. i can't muster up the words that need to be spoken. every other word but the ones of importance seem to escape from my mouth, all of them being irrelevent to what is really on my chest, or going through my head.
i tried to write a list of the unspoken. i can't even manage to do that. i lay the tip of the ball point pen on paper, and it just seems to click back into it's hibernated position, without even the help of my thumb.
stage fright, maybe? i often get that. it's one of the reasons why i can't pee in a public restroom. well that, and the fact that they are usually the habitat of a million and five types of germs, bacteria, and diseases. and when i do have to pee badly enough, sometimes i wait until the person in the stall next to me flushes the toilet, or begins to pee first, or just leaves. thinking that it will hide the sound of my own. yeah, i'm a little weird. thankfully, this is luck for you, because more than likely i will never pee on the telephone while you're on the other end. although, those that know me well, and that i have the utmost trust for, sorry for you, suckers.
or maybe it's just me avoiding. i often do that too. hoping that situations will just fade away. sometimes facing them, but never whole heartedly.
i'm not quite sure what's going on. but i do know that i'm a damn good escape artist. and i know how to brush things off and pretend life is super. it's one of the perks that comes with being me. and one of my biggest flaws.
why can't i be a real bitch, instead of just a said bitch?
can i have a moment of [un]silence, please? |
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